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The Real Babymamas Of Richmond
05/26/2013 8:39 PM by John M
The Real Babymamas Of Richmond is a new public access show (and on Youtube) that will be premier on Comcast channel 95 / Verizon Channel 36 on June 10th:
The purpose of my show is nothing other than a positive message. I am in the process of creating a reality show here in our city. The Reality Show is ” The Real Babymamas of Richmond”. We encourage all to support and help put RVA on the map.
This is awesome. Take a second and think about what these women are doing and trying to accomplish. This is real.
TAGGED: The Real Babymamas Of Richmond
Hmmmm. I’ll bet they’re really proud of this. How sad.
Great idea to make a show glorifying single motherhood in Richmond since it’s probably one of the biggest causes for the city’s problems. Even when there are good single moms (by single mom, I’m referring to those without a second parent in the picture not people who made a choice not to marry), its still not a positive thing to do for the kid’s sake. Statistically speaking it puts them way behind their peers, though I guess in Richmond all their peers are missing a daddy too.
I’m not saying its the mom’s fault that the dads aren’t staying but why not make a show about women making smart choices instead? “Baby mamas” talking on “ghetto gossip” channel – a celebration of the “ratchet” lifestyle…
This posting is trash and I want to know who was responsible for putting it on the Church Hill Association web page!!! It does not belong there, it is inappropriate, and whoever did it owes the membership a hugh apology. I have asked our current president ,Tayne Remark, who was responsible and demanded that it be removed.
I posted this here, on CHPN, because the video interests me & was created by and reflects a part of the people that make up the East End.
In this video, I see a group of women, in less than the easiest of circumstances, coming together and embracing their common experiences to find a strength. They are using this to make something, to reach out.
What do you see that is so trashy?
This is not the CHA website, I hope Tayne set your mind at rest.
John, My objection is that this was on the Church Hill Association web site. If you want to post this on your blog, that is your right, however it DOES NO BELONG on the CHA web site.
What do I see that is so trashy? The way these women look, speak, think, dress and their values. Other than that, I am sure they are model citizens that my tax dollar does not go to support.
Jean – What do the women say or think that is trashy? What values do you see here that are so offensive?
EDS, I know the difference between the CHA website and The CHPN web site.
This posting was on the CHA web site and that is what I am complaining about. It is completely inappropriate for the CHA.
Now Tayne I can get into.
http://youtu.be/KIXTNumrDc4
This is a sad depiction of what is so wrong with Richmond…and I’m sure countless other cities across the country. Women of loose values, poorly educated, and sucking on the teat of America! This is nothing but a hopeless downward spiral that grabs generations of youth and sucks them into this “way”. Public housing, welfare, EBT, and hopeless stupidity… Babymama should stop being so stupid and keep their damn legs closed. I’m with Jean on this one…keep ’em in the ghetto and out of these parts.
John M…just curious…Is there a reason why you seem to mostly profile all of the down scale elements of living in Church Hill; the ghettos and their inhabitants, homes that are falling over, tax delinquent, or foreclosed, the murderers, bums and babymamas, trashy corner stores, robberies, shootings and the like?
There is much beauty in Church Hill too. I’ve never seen you profile some of the finer and beautiful homes of the area, the wonderfully articulate and intelligent residents who contribute positively to the overall community, the wildly successful businesses, stunning architecture and other great things happening here.
I understand this is your site and you can use it in any manner you see fit. But, you seem to mostly choose the low side of the Hill…why not focus on the other side for a change?
The casual reader of this site who hasn’t experienced Church Hill would think it’s all about struggles and immorality and lawlessness and irresponsibility. It’s not an accurate reflection of the total area.
Is there a deeper reason John?
@10 – John covers the full spectrum that is the East End pretty well I think.
That said I agree with you that a celebration of poor decision making seems trashy. The women in the video do seem to carry themselves relatively well but fact is what they are celebrating here is producing children that don’t have a dad and therefore will be disadvantaged for life. As far as “baby mamas” go, you could find a lot worse but it makes me sad that this is something our culture finds positive in general. I’d much rather see videos about the women who were smart enough to keep their legs shut until they had a stable family in place and set that as a role model instead.
@#9. That’s called segregation, laura. Thankfully, the more forward looking citizens of this country have been trying to nip that concept in the bud for awhile. Is your desire to keep ‘them’ out of CH an example of ‘high’ values and ‘high’ education? If anything, John_m is attempting to educate those of you who are so culturally isolated that there are other people from other walks of life who do things differently. I’m not saying these ladies are model citizens, but your comments are far from an ideal model of America either. In fact your word are on the opposite extreme of what, in your words, ‘is so wrong with Richmond.’ Perhaps laura ‘should stop being so stupid and keep her damn mouth closed’.
There are approximately 80 posts for May 2013 as of right now: http://chpn.net/news/2013/05/
Looking through these, there are several posts about lamentable violence. This will always be reported. Every shooting victim is someone’s neighbor, or son, or father. If this happened on your block or to someone who you knew, you’d want it acknowledged. I also try to put the violence into a historical perspective when possible.
For May 2013, I also see profiles on the 2 area high school valedictorians, info from Bellevue Elementary, info about the city’s population growth, weekly community calendars, spotlights on cultural and civic events, props to 2 new businesses, a few historical photos, discussion on 2 proposed or possible developments to the south, and a fair amount of missing pets. Generally a new and reflective set of posts, if I do say so myself. Perhaps, actually, “an accurate reflection of the total area.”
And so this post… it’s something unique, in the almost 9 years that I’ve been doing this. I hope that these ladies can take it to the next level and realize the dreams that each one must have for their children. Single moms kick ass.
To which other posts are you possibly referring?
I honestly don’t feel like I’m able to give enough real coverage to northern end of the area, or Fulton or Montrose. The majority of the area’s population is up and out that way; I’m sorry that you do not feel like your community includes them.
My deeper reason? (for including content that you do not approve of….) My guess is that I’m probably more exposed to more of the area than you are. I know people all over the East End, and have a feel for differing areas that make up what I see as “our community”.
Silly John! Don’t you know that only those people who live south of Broad matter in Church Hill? The less you remind us that there are POOR people here the better. Now if you’ll excuse me, I must go and shine my pentanque balls in preparation for Thursday night …
In all seriousness, one of the reasons I love living in Church Hill is the diversity of the neighborhood. Literally people from every walk of life are here, unlike the homogenized Chesterfield County suburbs from which we moved. And I take the baby mamas and the Blue Wheeler along with the Roosevelt and Libby Hill Park as part and parcel of living here.
Well said, John! I know I’m not alone when I say this, but thanks for all that you do with CHPN! I don’t think you get enough credit for the useful and informative tool you’ve created that MANY of us take for granted. Thanks for sharing your perspective on what “our community” looks like; you and I share similar views. Don’t let the naysayers get you down – they’re the ones who probably need this different exposure the most!
YIKES… people like Laura and Jean make me cringe and ashamed to live in the “south”…
Morgan, If you are cringing and are ashamed, it has nothing to do with me or the “South”.
When I first moved here, I was the only white person on my block except for one other family. I looked after my neighbors and they looked after me. For the most part, hard working poor people who didn’t think the world owed them a free ride. A sign of respect in the south is to address a woman as Miss, in my case I was always referred to as Miss Jean, Miss Margie and Miss Hattie were real characters and we spent many hours sitting on our front porches chewing the fat.
If there is anything good in me at all, it is because of the black woman that took care of me as a child. I am 65 yrs. old and I still remember her face, her smell and her voice!
She taught me what morals and social awareness I have and it is because of her that I was not afraid to move into an all black neighborhood!!.
You SHOULD be cringing and feel ashamed for the uninformed vomit that spews from your mouth!
All of you that made this a racial issue..
Trashy stupidity has no color !!!!!
These women want to ” put Richmond Virginia on the map” There are far better examples to put RVA on the map
The truth of the matter is:
Neither Jean or I said anything about race or color… Fortunately, we’re willing to say what most people are thinking but don’t have the balls to express it. The bleeding hearts like Morgan and probably Trish and spacecat are part of the problem by allowing it to exist and furthermore trying to justify it as “the poor unfortunate souls”. Boo Hoo! They would do much better to be held accountable for their countless stupid actions. Some of you folks just don’t get it….you’re enabling this lifestyle and it dooms most who participate in it. This is not a black or white issue…it’s a social welfare issue- it’s not going away without radical change. So, wimper all you want…you’re not helping them, you’re committing them to another form of slavery.
It’s not race, it’s class.
After forcing myself to sit through the painful beginning of the video, I must admit the women themselves do seem to realize this wasn’t the best choice to make in a lot of cases and don’t seem to be glorifying it as much as it seemed like. All did seem to be working their asses off to do the best they could for their kids. It’s sad because one stupid choice makes it so that both kid and mom need to basically do everything else right if the next generation is going to break the cycle.
I still continue to be amazed that anyone would want to glorify single moms as a lifestyle choice. When it happens due to unforeseen circumstances, a lot of them do the best they can and I won’t judge them. When its pretty obvious it’s going to happen (your baby daddy already skipped out on a few other women, etc) it’s selfish and doing the baby a terrible disservice.
Whoa there, Alex! I know several women who have made single motherhood a fully conscious and well planned ‘life choice’. No glory asked for or needed. Just as traditional families come in all shapes and sizes, so do those of us that chose to have children outside of what is ‘the norm’.
As for the comments about CHPN – you ROCK John Murden! CHPN is a go to for information about what’s going on in CH, regardless of whether or not I agree with the opinion or appreciate the behavior. Please continue to post whatever you feel is relevant and thank you for your work.
Lucky Canine,
What I have found is that those women who make the fully conscious and well planned life choice to be a single mother are fully prepared to care for their child as a since mother. They would typically have a job, insurance, financial security, child care, etc.
What I think is typical as in the video, is these women did not make the same choice. They were not prepared and were basically caught with their pants down (no pun intended).
#24 said it well for me. I’m not referring to thought out decisions. I’m referring to sloppy choices only.
Though I still don’t know that I’d agree these children wouldn’t be better off with a second parent. They’re just in a pretty good place.
Richmond’s African-American voices are effectively silenced by lack of access to media – whether through denial of access editorially or financially – so I think it’s great these women are being heard.
I wish there were more professional options, but public access will always do in a pinch. Our local public media outlets WCVE and WRIR could definitely do a better job of pointing cameras and mics in their direction.
It is my belief that Richmond cannot rise unless we all rise together.
@26 – so you consider this to be the voice of Richmond’s African American community? I’d like to believe they’re capable of better personally but I guess you have a lower opinion.
Also how exactly is celebrating baby mama-ism “rising?” Feels more like falling to me.
Jon,
Access to media? If I’m not mistaken, there is a public library in Church Hill. They have computers that are open for public use. I’m not buying that they are being denied access to media.
Thank you John for all that you do for CHPN. Just ignore all of the ignorant bigots on this thread.
John you are doing a great job!!! I appreciate all that you do! I love the diversity of Churchill but I do see that a lot of folks would prefer this area to be all yuppie…that would be so sad.@Jean McDaniel, who the heck do you think you are?? You “demand” that the post be removed…could you not have such stated that perhaps such a post is not, in your opinion, appropriate. Who made you the Queen of Churchill? And saying that you associated with Black people and moved in to live amongst them makes you seem at the very least condescending and at the most, racist.
# 30
If you had READ what my postings said,
No, not gonna waste my racist, queenly fingers!!
I think CHPN is an asset to the community, however since there are no filters, inappropriate stuff gets posted on the CHA web site. Apparently the latest three postings (no matter their content) automatically transfer from CHPN web site to the CHA web site.
Example of inappropriate past headlines:
1 Hood fights (with video)
2 Rapper with lots of M.F. words also with video
3 Why don’t you fucking go to Patrick Henrey’s pub & grill
4 Brick hurling teens on rampage on R St.
5 Ghetto gossip, Baby Mamas
As I said before, John can post whatever he wants on CHPN. It is his. The CHA web site is not his, and it is not mine. As a long, condescending member of the CHA, I know that these postings are not appropriate, appreciated, nor wanted.
Oh, and I didn’t move here to live amongst “them”!! I moved here in order to live within my limited means at that time. Are you saying I shouldn’t have associated with my black neighbors?
You just can’t win when you are Queen of Church Hill.!
Baby Mama was quickly replaced by something else.
@30 – I don’t think anything Jean said was anywhere as condescending as folks implying that this is “the voice” of the black community in Richmond. Why is it that wishing there were more positive role models for young black kids today is racist but treating the worst elements of the black community like they are the best that the community has to offer isn’t?
Jean and other long timers like her planted the seeds for what is starting to grow into a nice diverse neighborhood so I’d cut them a little slack.
you really don’t get it
Ms. McDaniel, please get a grip. You are merely the Queen of Geese, not the Queen of Church Hill (don’t even kid yourself). Your value judgements are just that, “yours”…please, it’d be nice if you (and others who choose to assert theirs) just kept them to yourself. Just in case I was unclear:
Noun: 1. value judgement – an assessment that reveals more about the values of the person making the assessment than about the reality of what is assessed
Please folks, just accept the diversity in Church Hill…and know that not everyone can be like YOU; act like YOU; and make decisions that would suit YOU.
Alex Your post#27 and #30
Thank you, sometimes I am amazed at the thought connections that people come up with (create) on these postings. I am also constantly amazed at how many people do not read what someone actually posted. I appreciate your articulate ability to point out the bulls eye of the issue.
It is impossible (and inappropriate) to have an intellectual duel with an unarmed person
#33 I don”t know what we are supposed to be getting! My former neighbors (now deceased) would not feel that these women were anything to be proud of. They had higher standards.
@34 – I thought the point of a discussion board was for folks to share opinions? Thanks for setting us straight…
@36 – Alex, “sharing opinions” is indeed the point. For the most part, opinions are inherently subjective – but to get to the level of passing judgement on those who may be less fortunate than us…is that some sort of sick sport we should take part in? I’d rather not….
Example: @6 – “What do I see that is so trashy? The way these women look, speak, think, dress and their values.” – jean mcdaniel
(I’m sorry if I was unclear in my previous post. I thought that I was specifically referencing “value judgements” not opinions – please note the distinction, it’s a fine line.)
G
I was attempting a little humor with the QUEEN thing. If you had read all of the postings on this thread, you would know that, Clearly it didn’t work with you.
As for expressing my values/opinions, I have every right to do both on a public forum. You have every right to disagree with them. In case you are unaware, the values that one is brought up with shapes ones opinions. I agree with some of the other “opinions” that it would be a good idea to keep your legs together if your idea of motherhood is being “baby mama”. That is my opinion based on my values which do not require that I keep them to myself nor apologize for them in any way!!
Please note, it is not a fine line.
In response to the video (and the show), I think it is admirable that these women have produced a show and are taking pride in their ability to do so. I am saddened though that their model for reality shows are things like “Real Housewives of….” and other shows where producers encourage the characters to stir up drama. Drama does make for entertaining television, but in this case, it would be better to see these women handling their lives without the screaming, cursing, and sexualization of themselves. They’re obviously competent enough to organize funds and backing, and are confident enough to speak in front of a camera. Think of the potential they have. It’s a shame that screaming and giving each other sexual nicknames is their model. Thank you, Jersey Shore. Thank you, Real Housewives.
I just thought I might point out that they have put up a trailer for their show on YouTube and, well, behold…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Vq7Foq_2Ak
Ms. McDaniel,
Your “opinions” – I’ll respect. Your manners & tact, not so worthy… I would think a woman of your status could carry herself with a little more grace…but please, do not apologize – never do that.
When tiny #33 said: “you really don’t get it”…and you replied: “I don’t know what we are supposed to be getting!” – that pretty much says it all.
Surely, even you can realize that there may be a group of women who may have a wholly different perspective on what you deem as “trashy” and find your determinations to be a wee bit offensive, yes?
@39 – great post. I think you articulated well what I’ve been struggling to put my finger on. It’s not the women themselves that are trashy. It’s the format they are using to tell their story. There is something very positive about these women pulling a show together but sadly reality tv is just such a trashy format that glorifies all the wrong things.
If they had done a straightforward feature about their struggles I suspect the reaction here would be almost entirely positive. I think those who have been reacting favorably are seeing the positive side of these women getting on the air but the negatives are mostly about them highlighting the bad sides of their narrative instead of the positives and choosing the worst medium (reality tv) to do so.
Wonkyeye and Alex
Well said!!
First I am a condesending racist Queen, now I am a woman of status who must accept that women demeaning THEMSELVES in the way they present themselves to the world is O.K. NO!!!!
I think we should both shut up and let Alex and Wonkyeye (I just wanted to type wonkyeye again cause it makes me laugh!) articulate what is so bothersome about these women and how they are representing themselves.
Check out the link that BAF supplied.
BAF
Thanks for posting this link. Comments from the Black populace have started to come in concerning their opinions about “baby Mama”
I think it would be a good idea to read them.
There is only one Queen of Church Hill.
I abdicate!!!
The idea for this “reality” show did not originate with this group of women. Unfortunately they are copying a similar effort from Ohio.
Some comments from the Richmond area African Americans.
“this makes me embarrassed to be from Richmond…..and ashamed to be African American……you should be ashamed of yourself……they should be embarrassed of themselves…..you are way too old to be looking like this, go get some acceptable clothes…..don’t you have other things to do, like take care of your children?”
Some of the comments get pretty fowl and all of them are negative!
By accepting unacceptable conduct, eventually that behavior becomes the norm. I don’t “get it”….. and I don’t WANT to “get it” if it means lowering standards of conduct to the point that my fellow humans are telling me I should be ashamed!! If someone can twist that into being racist ??!!
@Laura–thanks for putting in the “probably” about me being a bleeding heart. I feel ever so much better now. /sarcasm
For those trying to make this whole thing a racial issue I urge you to read “Life At The Bottom” by Theodore Darymple, a pseudonym for a former psychiatrist at a hospital near a major housing project. All the ghetto elements that you recognize are there–baby mamas, drugs, crime, laziness, etc. There’s just one little catch. The project was in Birmingham, England and nearly all of the project residents were white. It’s the mentality, not the color, that makes a ghetto.
I would be the last person to encourage a young woman to immediately place herself behind life’s eight ball and have a child when she is not prepared. Calling the situation part and parcel of living here doesn’t mean I consider it a good situation.
@47 – great post. It’s not the skin color, or even the income. Reality tv is proof of that – flip through the listings and you can find trashy of all colors, ages, wealth, etc.
Depressing stat on single parent households in Richmond:
http://wtvr.com/2013/06/10/60-percent-of-richmond-families-single-parent/
RVA’s Next Great TV Show
http://www.styleweekly.com/richmond/punch-drunk/Content?oid=1906868
On twitter: #trbmor https://twitter.com/search?q=%23trbmor&src=hash
Church Hill has been majority black for years and years and years and “the ghetto” for about as long, so it’s hilarious to hear Jean & Laura claim these black women need to be kept in the ghetto and out of Church Hill when for YEARS Church Hill WAS the ghetto.
Lessons Learned from RVA’s The Real Baby Mamas of Richmond & the Shots Fired by the Public
http://gaptoothdiva.com/2013/06/18/lessons-learned-from-rvas-the-real-baby-mamas-of-richmond-the-shots-fired-by-the-public/
Everyone is entitled to their own testimony. Whether I like it or not, it’s theirs. If they have nothing, they have their voice. The question is how well it is utilized, but we are talking about them.
People speak of them as if they are the average public housing/ghetto women. The average would not be on public access, trying to do SOMETHING with their lives other than collect the dole. It’s important to criticize, but it’s more important to ACTUALIZE the value in the perspective they give.
86% of Richmond’s African-American children are growing up in single-family homes, most with no father. THIS is the reality that many of US on here never see day to day. THAT perspective, no matter how articulate, is important to hear – no matter, how we feel about their delivery.
Call me a racist,but it is painfully obvious that it is ingnorance.
Town
Where did you read that I said these women should be kept in the ghetto and out of Church Hill? Why are you making stuff up? Or maybe you just don’t think it necessary to get your facts straight before posting such a highly inaccurate statement. Either way, you sound pretty stupid!!
the irony in spelling ignorance wrong.
Jean
Comment #10 from Laura, agreeing with you: I’m with Jean on this one…keep ‘em in the ghetto and out of these parts.
in response to your post:
“What do I see that is so trashy? The way these women look, speak, think, dress and their values. Other than that, I am sure they are model citizens that my tax dollar does not go to support.”
which was an explanation of why you didn’t want stories like this posted in Church Hill People’s News. It’s very arrogant of you to move into a historically black area, then complain when the blog owner posts a story about black people, some of whom live in the area YOU moved into!
Town
I am so very sorry that you have such a hard time reading and comprehending the written word!!
Once again, I have in no way indicated that these women should be “kept in the ghetto and out of these parts,” nor have I ever complained about ” stories about black people”
There is NO WHERE THAT I EVER complained about CHPN posting this ! I believe my opinion has been reiterated, restated, reworded and supported in various post not only on this blog but several others.
It’s very arrogant of you to credit to me statements that I have not made. Not even come close to making and then chastise me for moving here!!
THAT IS ARROGANT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let’s just be real and say that people are trying to copy cat a trend that is getting old and outdated::: Reality Shows. These type of shows are ruining our society because it gives the participants a fals sense of the fact that they have skills. In this case, maybe its a noble effort but I believe its an attempt to ‘cash in’ on this trend. Stop mimmicking the society and obtain some workplace readiness skills. How many more reality shows do we need? None. If you are are really a Real Babymama then use that time being one and not doing it for the cameras. I think its a travesty that we have stooped down to this level.
I have followed this discussion with great interest, serious disbelief, and have been dismayed (and amused) at some postings that just made stuff up and attributed the verbage to me.
I started a firestorm when I said, this posting was trash and the way these women presented themselves was trashey. Trashey stupidity has no color and unacceptable behavior is not acceptable. I stand by all of those OPINIONS!
Comments from the Black community have been far harsher than anything I said. However, I have been called an offensive condesending racist, who can’t accept diversity. I made Morgan “cringe and ashamed to live in the South” Oh, and I am arrogant for moving here?
The comment I cannot comprehend is that ” other women may have a different perspective ” than mine.
Although I never had children of my own, I raised my younger sister and later on a pre-teen neice. I never had time to go “clubbing”, hang out on the hood corner, have long verbal battles with my “friends” or any of the other activities that baby mamas engage in.
I had to work to buy food, clothes, school supplies and pay Dr. and Dental bills. Then there was after school activity (time and expenses) as well as home work, navigating the hormonal ride of puberty and protecting then from unwanted outside influences.
It takes time, dedication and a DEFINITE sense of purpose and commitment to raise a child alone, A morally corrupt, half ass attempt at such an importent task is JUST NOT acceptable and results in a morally corrupt generation that everyone in society has to suffer with.
If you all will recall about 12 years ago a rape/robbery occured in Libby Park, The rape/robbery was commited by four related underage young men. All of them were on probation, breaking curfew and two of them had pending cases besides the rape/robbery. I made it a point to attend all court hearings and here are the sad facts.
All of these young men were from single women. Two of the mothers showed up in court beautifully tattooed, coufed, manicured and dressed as if the next stop was the club.
When asked why they did this horrible thing to a young girl their response was, ” When your mama don’t give you what you want, you have to take it”
That is the “reality” of half ass raising children!
I was looking for a forum to see if I should take the time to watch this show or if it was another corny reality show with made up scenarios and awful jokes. I obviously need to take some time and look into it because it has caused such a stir. With no prior viewing of the show just opinions from this forum and colleges at work this is my “opinion” on the matter.
These women are doing something that has not been done yet. No matter what these are 10 hard working individuals who have had unexpected circumstances change their lives and brought them to the point where they are today. To talk negatively about them and tell them to keep their legs closed when you go throwing judgement out with out having a single clue truely who these women are is IGNORANT. You are not put on this Earth to judge and you could very well be a single mother or father in the same situation. Just because you may have had more luck with keeping your indiscretions behind closed doors does not give you or anyone else the right to talk negatively about anyone else.
I dont completely agree with the show portraying RVA in a positive light but its more then likely portraying the truth. I do see that the show is 10 African American females and very well could have been mixed with different ethnicities and religions to give a more rounded view but it is the first season. At least they are not trying to glorify teen pregnancy! They are showing women who are working hard and doing the best they can.
*inregard to the welfare and financial assistance* Do they show the women utalizing those resources? Also who better then single mothers and not drug addicts recieve and utalize the benefits to take care of their children?
Steph,
IMHO this has nothing to do with “luck” or “unexpected circumstances” but it has everything to do with Bad life choices.
SEW
Thank You for being so precise and to the point!
I know what it takes to have to raise a child on your own. See my post # 64. From the age of 20 I was responsible for a child that was not mine but never the less due to “unexpected circumstances” and stupid, irresponsible,bad choices made by others I stepped up and became a parent.
If you are serious about being a parent, ( by choice or not) you have an obligation to do whatever it takes to guide, protect and nurture your child. What this means is you spend your money and time on your child instead of partying, getting pregnant again, getting tattoos and buying sexy clothes.
You teach them how to live in society and function within the expectations of the society they live in. It is not easy, but it is the ONLY acceptable course of action.